Posts Tagged ‘twenty-something’


Trying to Understand Dating….


Especially from these lame ole’ dudes perspective.  In my pursuit to understand how the male mind operates, I recently ran across a site that a cool guy put together to help his fellow counterparts learn the Art of Manliness.  I was so impressed, that I signed up for his daily newsletter.  The information is of course geared toward men, but it did make me realize that there are some things that men should be doing that I, nor my homegirls are getting from the dating scene today.  Men our age have lost the art of courting in the “Get to know you” Phase and it did my heart goood to see this author and his wife put them on blast.  

Now ladies, I’m not saying that we aren’t to blame in some of this, but it is nice to see the male gender take on some of the responsibility.  Maybe, I’ll get the crew together and write an article on how to be more womanly and how to be ready to receive the niceties of our future Gentleman and ScholarEnjoy the article below with some of my commentary mixed in. You know I can’t keep my mouth shut….LOL


Stop Hanging Out With Women and Start Dating Them….AMEN TO THAT!

 by Brett and Kate McKay   January 16, 2008 · 213

Over the past few years, many social observers have noted that young adults are dating less. Instead, dating is being replaced by “hanging out” with members of the opposite sex. Dating and hanging out are two completely different things. Hanging out consists of people getting together in groups and doing stuff together. It could be going to a club, a restaurant, or just staying home and playing Wii……So true! and I’m tired of getting movies from the redbox! The atmosphere is relaxed and relations among opposite sexes never rises above the level of friendship. There is nothing wrong with hanging out, but it is not a replacement for dating…..Yes, because I might actually be feeling you, but I don’t want to make the first move and then ruin our friendship.  If you like me stop being lazy and let me know it! And truthfully at this age…I’m not just trying to be your homegirl. I’m Ms. Right and I’m Awesome…..Helloooooo!

Dating consists of pairing off with someone in a temporary commitment so you can get to know the person better and perhaps start a long term relationship with them. Why the decline in dating? There are probably lots of factors that have contributed to the decline of dating amongst young adults….I have a theory that timing and desire plays a big part.  If you don’t catch a dude in his mid twenties when he’s ready to meet someone and have a lasting relationship, then they fall into some weird abyss called the “Social Degenerator” somewhere between 26-32.  If he’s in that phase of life, he doesn’t see the need to date, get to know someone other than his boyz that he drinks and plays X-box with. From 26 on, he just continues to get more set in his ways and then forgets how to have a relationship with any female.

Here are few possible ones:

1. Young adults don’t like to commit. It seems like people in my generation aren’t big on making commitments to people or to organizations. Generation Y is too busy trying to “find themselves” in order to commit to anybody or anything. Companies have complained about the turn over rate of Generation Y. Companies invest lots of money training new employees only to have them leave after two years so they can find a new job. This reluctance to commit has carried over to the interaction between the sexes. Young adults don’t want to be tied down to someone just in case they get an itch to go on a backpacking trip to Europe…..So True!  But the problem lies in the fact that maybe if I want to go backpacking or travel and see the world, I would want a dude to roll with me.  Not that I don’t love my girls, but I’m ready to hang out and get life started with a significant other.  I’m too old  for this non-existant dating scenario…LOL


2. The internet has retarded Generation Y’s social skills. Instead of telling a person directly that they’re interested in them by asking them on a date, Generation Y sends Crush alerts on Facebook…..Or they try to go through the “Get to know you” Phase via text message.  So much gets lost in translation this way.  How will you ever get to know me?  While the internet has made connecting with people easier, it has also made us lazier at establishing meaningful relationships. If you’re over 18 and you’re still using Facebook applications to let someone know you’re interested in them, you need to be punched in the face……HAAAAAAAHHHHHH….RIGHT?!!

3. Feminism. Before I receive the wrath of all the feminists telling me it’s a typical man thing to blame women for the decline in dating, I ask that you hear me out. I think feminism is great. It’s great that women can choose to have a career, be a stay-at-home mom, or do both.…Well, I definately want the choice to do either and your support in doing whatever I choose…LOL  But it does make things confusing for men. Navigating relations among the sexes is a bit more tricky today. Men have all these questions go through their head: Who asks?….Uh, you still do! Stop being lame. I want to be approached, persued and courted….Old school, for real! If I ask, will she think I’m too forward?.…NOT at all….Ask me…forwardness shows confidence and I love that! Just don’t be an asshole and arrogant with it. Who pays for the date?Do we split the bill?...Uh, He needs to pay for the bill and I may offer to leave the tip.  Now, if I’m really feeling you, I might pay for us to do something like a concert and I may foot the bill on occasion once we get a few dates in.  But really I shouldn’t have to do that either. That’s just a GOOD Girl Courtesy….IF I”M FEELING YOU!  All these uncertainties cause men to avoid dating altogether and opt for hanging out with women instead.

4. Men today are wussies…..PREACH, BROTHA!  Men today aren’t very resilient. They don’t know how to handle rejection or failure, so they avoid rejection or failure by not asking women out on dates….We understand if the dude is scared, but please grow a pair and get off your ass and ask me out.  I’ve gotten off my butt and tried to holla at a few dudes, but that only back fired in my face and they end up being involved or just plain Crazy….LOL  I would prefer if the guy asks because at least then I know he’s interested. I’m open to get to know anyone, but make it worth my time.

Why date? A lot of men today don’t seem to believe it, but getting hitched to the right woman is a very desirable thing.

So while there is nothing wrong with hanging out, it’s not a replacement for dating. Dating is the pathway to finding your true love and eventually settling down and getting married….Hello, and I definitely want to get married within the next two years!  Marriage is a one on one relationship, so you need to start getting to know women on a one on one basis. You might be hanging out with her and your friends right now, but if you don’t take her on date, she’ll forever be just your friend. So, start dating and stop hanging out. It really is not that hard to get a date with a woman. Here are some guidelines to remember as you take hanging out up a level to dating.

Resurrect Dating

So, you’re ready to start dating and stop hanging out. It really is not that hard to get a date with a woman. Here are some guidelines to remember as you take hanging out up a level to dating.

1. She wants you to ask. Despite the rhetoric you hear about the liberated woman, women still appreciate it when a guy asks her out on a date. They like when men take the initiative. I’ve heard lots of successful young professional women lament the fact that men don’t ask them out. They’re beautiful, smart, and charming, but don’t have a man. Be a man and ask these women out.

2. Asking is easy. Asking a woman out on a date isn’t rocket science. When you ask, though, do it in person or over the phone. If you’re poking a woman you’re interested in on Facebook, you lose any credibility as a man.

3. Keep dates simple. Dates don’t have to be huge, expensive affairs. Keep it simple. If you want to keep things informal, ask her out for lunch or coffee. If you want a more romantic date, invite her over to your place and make dinner for her. She’ll be impressed that you know how to cook. The whole point of dating is to get some one on one interaction with a person to find out if she is someone you’d like to start a long term relationship with. Simple and frequent dates will assist you in this.

4. Prepare for rejection. Face it. Not every woman you ask out is going to say yes. Prepare for that. It’s no big deal if she says no. Think about it. You’re no worse off getting rejected than you were before you asked. You didn’t have a date with her before, you don’t have a date with her now. Your situation has not changed.

5. Just do it, damn it. So what are you waiting for? Quit reading this post right now and pick up your cell phone. Call a woman and ask her on a date. Stop hanging out and start dating. Stop being scared of commitment. Commitment is liberating, not confining. I expect a lot of debate on this post. Please keep the conversation civil. It’s possible to disagree and still be a gentleman or a lady about it.

Well, ladies, what do you think? It’s 2011 and I think we need to get what we want.  Now if it’s not a man, then cool.  Be like that lady who got inceminated and decided to be a single mother on her own. I’ve decided that I’m gonna adopt a 12 year old if I’m still single in my late thirties.  I’m not mad at that!  Do YOU!  However, I think many of us desire companionship and a relationship with a significant other and we just need to get on that level to achieve our goals.  What are you going to do different in the new year to achieve your relationship goals?  By all means, we never say settle just to have….Always be patient to obtain the happiness your deserve. 

LIVE Life, LAUGH About it, LOVE Those who love you back…(no stalkers or crazy dudes, please!)

Angel Elexa


Trying Not to Lose…


Okay, seriously, you can literally find anything on the web.  Last night i was feeling a little down on myself and found myself typing into Google search “why am i such a loser?”…..Okay, i know i’m not a loser loser and i need to stop feeling down on myself, but i was actually suprised at the sites that came up.  People going on and on responding to posts from other people feeling less than outstanding.  I was really suprised that perfect and total strangers were this helpful, responsive and downright nice on the web.  They were actually providing supportive and loving advice to a kid in Utah who hadn’t yet discovered himself and all of what life is meant to be.

I, on the other hand, am not a goofy teenager.  I do feel like a goofy 29 year old who can’t get it together.  I’m currently focusing on getting a promotion and moving toward a new adventure in this new role.  I’m actually hoping this takes me out of the office and allows me to work from home.  But for some reason, I’m am such a loser.  I’ve now realized in life that the only thing i’ve ever been good at is school, learning and growing, but applying never came easily because i was always too busy over analyzing everything to move forward.  So i stepped out of my box and have had super supportive team members help me out  and supply me with useful knowledge that i just can’t seem to put into action.  I’ve spoken with clients who are grandmothers, mothers, fathers and your average joe, but I just can’t seem to catch a break. 

It always seems where others are succeeding with ease and things just come naturally to them, I struggle.  I just can’t find my niche and become the success I desire to be.  What’s holding me back?  My confidence, my approach, A curse on my household?  I’ve asked the Lord to help me do the right things and not that those things will be easy, but I just need to know that with making an effort the struggle will be worth it in the long run. 

My friends tell me that i’ve got to keep going, i’ve got to keep pushing, but when do you just stop hurting your own darn feelings and cutting your losses?  You can push for a significant other and end up with a deadbeat who hits on you.  Then you’re in a lousy marriage because you wouldn’t let go of Mr. Raggedy. Maybe sometimes you have to realize that it isn’t for you and you can’t move on to something greater until you let go of what you’ve been thinking you were supposed to do.  I have no clue, except I’m tired of being a loser. 

I envision winning all the time, I envision realistic approaches to acheiving success.  But yet, i keep getting road blocked.  When is enough enough and when will a break through happen? I’m kinda tired of the cliche’ answers of “It will, it’s just not time yet.”, “The right person will come along?”,  “Well you already applied for 120 jobs this week, apply for 120 more :)”….LOL  Gotta love friends, they mean well and they just want to lift your spirits, but truth is, they don’t always know your inner turmoil and the years and years of feeling like you’re not getting anything you want.  Don’t get me wrong, life could be worse, but somewhere down the line, I just envisioned better.

I’m not TRYING to complain, just TRYING to see if anyone else feels like this? Maybe I’m not showing HIM enough effort or desire.  It just makes me wonder why SOME supermodels and actresses are discovered and whisked away to work in Milan or Hollywood, while others aspiring never grace the cover of a magazine and are forced to wait tables.  I know sometimes the journey is great, but I’m just concerned that the discovered people fell into something they didn’t even want, while the aspiring want it so badly they can taste it, but is far from within their grasps.  Is that just a cruel joke or what?  Not everything has to be easy, but Why does it seem like when you put forth the most effort, that’s when the door slams in your face the hardest? 

So with that being said, i’m just going to TRY harder to NOT be such a loser.  i resolve to TRY to listen and learn how to improve while executing diligently.  I refuse to be let down for the sake of my mental state and I will succeed. 

I suggest you do the same.  We are not losers….We are just Trying Twenties.

Like the song goes….All I do is Win, Win, Win, NO matter what!

LIVE Life….and Die Trying…I guess!

Angel Elexa

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